I’ve got to hand it to United, this aircraft between Newark and Honolulu is pretty dialed in. It has iPod connectors at every seat with three little cubby holes and a nice sized screen. International adapters, USB port… this plane is similar to the 777 going over the pond but def newer.
Row number one goes like this: Liz-seat 1A, 1B is empty (who’s better than me), Al Roker- seat 1D, 1E-Matt Lauer and 1F-Mrs. Pouty Lauer. 10+ hours to Honolulu. I was a little agitated the other night when I received an email from the Royal Hawaiian informing me that the Today Show would be filming live from their beachfront at 1:00am this Monday. So… really late on Sunday night after an all-day pool day. Seriously, throw in a vicodin just for fun and we’ve potentially got another chapter of the book just writing itself. I hope people don’t go all mental for these yo-hos. I mean, Al Roker is so lame, he had all his shit laid out in the cubby holes before take off and it looks like Matt Lauer was sort of arguing with his wife already. I bet he really is a dick to women. He looks like a dick. Didn’t he get named ‘Best’ or ‘Hottest’ something and it went to his head? I’ll have the entire weekend to find out! I now wish I had looked up who their on-show guests are to see what other celebs are going to be crowding my first 2013 attempt at a tan! And yes, when we took off all Al Roker’s shit went flying.
Totally am going to try to hitch a ride to the resort with them though. We’re going the same exact place! Who knows, maybe this random trip, which the dates were recently shifted, will be symbiotic in some way. Most of my randomness usually is, and today INSIDE the airport, I found a lucky penny! And yes, I picked it up.
Today has been rather strange. I was up late packing (drinking wine), sort of thinking maybe I’d get a call from the Dreamy VP who spent the past four or so days being rather attentive. I did not. I woke up early, did a bit of work and had an 11:45am car to the airport. I got a random spurt of motivation (probably by the fact that my banker busted out with “you’re losing a lot of weight” yesterday) and huffed it up to 9:30am spin class. I rushed back home, got in the shower, final touches on packing, put on my little sparkly star earrings from my Kath xo and literally walked downstairs at 11:43am. For anyone who knows me that is truly amazing. The driver had a brand spanking new Cadillac and was listening to music I swear I haven’t heard since I was maybe five years old. Most people know that I have little-to-no memory before age 10-ish, so it was weird. Ronnie Milsap, Ray Pierce, Willie Nelson… So strange. It was like the guy put on the XM Serious channel: ‘the music my dad used to listen to’. I put my make-up on in the car, was dropped at the special section for United people at Newark and realized it was just 59 minutes before my flight. I was shooed from the Premier line and got a little irritated as my boarding pass screamed to me ‘BOARDING AT 12:39’ which had occurred one minute earlier. Turns out, I was TSA pre-checked! How random is that? The agent raised an eyebrow when I asked how I got TSA pre-checked and replied “you never filled anything out for this!?” but then she winked, giggled and sent me on my merry way. I saw the gate, spotted my lucky penny, and arrived just as they announced boarding for people like me and Al Roker. Who, by the way, ordered the steak and woofed it. He didn’t touch his bread though. Then the one empty seat in first is next to my window. 🙂
Anyway, my point is that today has been unusually blissful. In getting back to ‘symbiotic’, perhaps I’ll meet someone, like a book publisher on this trip. Or who knows, given the chaos I’m certain will be rampant at the Royal Hawaiian the whole time I’m there. Dreamy VP… who? No pre-flight call, no little Lizzie for you! I’m feeling a bit ominous about the adorable ‘package’ I sent him, actually.
Currently over Cleveland. Only nine more hours to go. What the hell Roker is having an ice cream sundae! So is Lauer. He (Lauer) needs botox. Kelly, you would cringe at his crow’s feet… come meet us in Hawaii, let’s boost your New York clientele!!!
As for me I’ve got my champagne, Bob Dylan and a plethora of international films ahead of me. ‘Saturday Night Fever’ is on the movie-list though. Aww yeah.
Dangling over Denver now. Hi Aunt Lizzie and Uncle Billy boy! Love you. Seriously though, who has seen ‘Horrible Bosses’!!? This film is so hysterical, I have been laughing out loud through the entire thing. I know someone recommended it, but it is absolutely classic. A new fave and I usually don’t like those kinds of movies. Although, maybe some of us remember ‘Very Bad Things’. Classic.
Sentimentally over San Fran now. I think for the rest of my life, the first musical note of any Stone Roses song, although ‘Sally Cinnamon’ is unbeatable, will forever perk me up. Time to step up your game, Dreamy VP! 😉 Or stop messing with me, please. Fortunately, I have amazing clients, family and friends who’ve helped me keep all that, including my self-worth, in check. They also send me links to duck-taped humans. Or wait… just cellophane-wrapped. Not sure that tidbit accurately précises my ‘I have a great support network’ case. 🙂 but it’s still bizarrely hilarious.
Part way over the Pacific now, Lauer has now put on a scarf and well… we all know I have a thing for men in scarves. He is pretty hot. Granted I am three splits in now. Saw him looking over a couple times. The flight attendant (from Oz) and I are now pals and when we chat he def looks. His wife looks kind of unhappy and bitchy. But thou does not judge for thou was once trapped with F Tom. Trapped within self-imposed constraints, of course! The flight attendant informed Matt Lauer that I am at the same resort, how lovely I am, and told him about the resort’s email. Would it be bad to ask for a fourth split? It IS a 10-hour flight! Aw sweet my sheila brought me another without having to ask. Let’s see if I can get her to broker my transfer deal to the Royal Hawaiian in the Today Show van for when we land! Gosh I do so love Australians. And Roker just devoured a choice box snack. What the heck!? Poor joke but nonetheless true: he better not poop his pants!
Oh and by the way, have actually just read through ALL my stuff for my now bi-monthly newsletter, turns out United has been doing this pre-TSA check-in for Platinum and up since May 3rd. Apparently, I should actually do my newsletter every now and again! Whoops: just like that, Steve Jobs surprises me with ‘Blower’s Daughter’ and I’m literally catapulted into thoughts of the ex-boyfriend. Sigh. An ex-boyfriend who has just learned of the Dreamy VP, and dismissed it as ‘silly’… the whole concept, or irrationality of it. Sigh. But, to quote Pulp: “this isn’t chocolate boxes and roses, its dirtier than that…” Dreamy is pretty dreamy. I hope I have a message or email when I land! Two hours, 17 minutes more to go.
I miss Ashlee. It’s hard not to when ‘Gangnam Style’ pops on. Priceless. This seat 1B was symbolically meant for her. Let’s get something shaking girl. It was awfully cute, Ash got a little pissy with me on the phone the other day. Rightfully so, but Ash, oh my gosh I hope you realize that is part of why I love you so much, because you’re THAT real. 😉
Shout out to all my sisters out there I love SO very much. I have amazing nephews and witness such incredible positive support on that end. And then on my other side, I had an unexpected phone call from Kath the other day that I will never forget. For my whole life. Best news I’ve ever (and I sincerely mean this!) heard. xo
Starting our descent! Watch the Today Show on Monday! It’s worth a shot, I DVR’ed it. Never know where Sunday night in Hawaii will lead me. Especially given I’ll be landing shortly ‘early’ on a Friday night! It’s been 9 years since I was in Maui with F Tom.
And an o for AJ. Wait, make that ooo. Wait now there’s four of them. The o’s. No one ever said OCD was easy. o
