“The one thing I know for sure… is that it isn’t easy.” You have to love the misunderstood Marilyn Monroe. Yes, I do realize that I create my own chaotic consequential experiences, but I continue to believe that the man who never takes risks never achieves anything.
I’ve grown to a point where I feel like I have earned the right to choices. Ha… what a big slap in the face that whole theory was! Maybe I want a personal life? I’m sure several people would balk at that statement as though I live nothing but a personal life. Which is so not the case! Misunderstood. There is a whole world that manipulates and operates and pulls puppet strings within the deepest spots of my cranium, but I try. I try so hard. There are so many demands on me with work. Yes, self-inflicted, but I want to be normal, whatever that means. Well… actually, I’m quite content being abnormal. But sure, I would like to date from time to time. But not douche bags, the shallow and selfish men of my world. Given my free spirit, career and impulsiveness, when opportunities presents itself, I am definitely a risk taker. What have I got to lose FFS!!? At 43 this show is over 😉 so I may as well make as much use of it now as I can. I feel like after 4+ years of infallible dedication to Envizage, perhaps it’s time I pay some attention to the outside world a bit. Of course shedding those unwarranted 15 pounds has helped my cause!
I work really hard and because of that I am fortunate. But last night, as I sit on the marble bathroom floor in tears talking to my #1 client at 3:00am London-time, while the Unnicknameable Brit lay fast asleep in the bedroom (aka: passed out, thankfully), I was deeply affected by the reality I’ve created for myself over the last 4+ years. Don’t get me wrong! I love my life and am genuinely truly proud of myself… but feel a bit arrogant saying that out loud. And I’m just not arrogant! Nor am I one to comply. As in: comply with what ‘society’ deems compliant. I want to live, I want to love (and I do love so, so much… my people you know who you are), but I am physically strapped to being available 24 hours a day, and subjected to intolerable processes that I simply have to suck it up and tolerate. Quite frustrating, to be honest. Especially given my history of self-achievement and awareness. I don’t want to suck it up! I’ve never wanted to suck it up! My favourite teacher of all time can attest to that, and often points out that is one of the things (I think!) he admires in me, even still. I digress to whining. “It’s not all chocolate boxes and roses, it’s dirtier than that”.
On a completely higher note, I decided to utilize my unused ticket to London, scheduled somewhat necessary meetings, live life and be dateable in the UK. All at once. Never mind that I’ve just been to Santa Barbara for the wedding, followed by a full on week of a massively important conference for my business, in Mexico. I will never forget, “Don’t piss in the pool, Paul!” Or ‘El Presidente’. 🙂
I sited fabulous new properties, further explored a city I will continually conduct business in, and visited with several industry clients-turned-friends. I was able to meet with the designer who so articulately, through my particularness, managed to encapsulate the perfect name and logo for my business. And then go on fun dates at night! I like London! Honestly I did not encounter one, not even one, smug Brit while I here. Well… the bartender at W Leicester Square was unnecessarily a prick last night when asked where we ought to go if we wanted to dance. 😉
I feel like my work has suffered because I’ve chosen not to be a robot anymore. It’s all an evolution! But I couldn’t be happier, having come off a self-induced unexpected London week… one soap stone Buddha richer, and feeling the true love of all my Libra peeps (eternal love and thanks!), then to be managing a client’s annual event, with the luxury of Ashlee present. Then to then be seeing my entire family, sans my sister and Eddie. Does it bother me they won’t be there? Yes. Do I get it? Yes. But hey I’m allowed to be selfish too, and boo-hoo what a selfish bitch I be… trying, on top of all else, to have our entire family together. We might have to construct a paper-Eddie so we can add to the indescribably satisfying ‘everybody touch eddie’ photo series.
London was fantastic. I went running in St. James’ and Green Park one night. I adore understanding how the rest of the planet operates… just in ‘normal’ (there’s that word again!) life. I had a decadent lunch today with my dear friend at 45 Park Lane. We had a flight of steaks. Correction: we split a flight of steaks! Wagyu from Oz, American NY strip and some southern English cut. What a fabulous idea that is!!! NY portions overwhelm me! I met up with clients and industry acquaintances: old and new. Oh and I had my first ever in-room massage, I didn’t get any side-boob action this time though. It was really good nonetheless.
I was in a black taxi earlier, to Heathrow. No I did not take Paddington Express. I work too hard and carry too much ‘just in case’ luggage to be huffing it through non-escalator-equipped Tube stations to care about an extra 20 quid. I wanted to find paprika pringles for my AJ, but failed miserably. Don’t fret, I brought Flakes and other UK treats! The entrance to the airport, seemingly amidst full on construction every way I looked, struck me with Turkish Air’s destination exhibition. I WILL travel to all those places! I can check Hong Kong off the list now though. India and Bahrain have been high on the 2014 agenda… and like all my trips, they will prove beneficial in one way or another. Karma.
Love to all, see many of you next week! An NYC event, a pop-over in San Fran for my goddess Kelly… and I can’t wait to see my own drawer on Buffalo Avenue.
London called indeed. Or maybe I called London! But I do hope London’s always calling… what the hell is the point if we’re not having fun? F Tom once told me I suck the fun out. I just laugh now: eat your heart out! I am the fun factory.
(yeah maybe a stretch but it sounds really good!). It reminds me of ‘I’m the Queen Fairy’ from Moulin!
x Happy Birthday Libra nephew, I love you!
