My Global Entry Enrollment System US Customs and Border Patrol Trusted Traveler Program interview is today. What a mouthful. Definitely potential for a shit-show kind of day. As I prepare for regular business as normal, a shower and full blow dry, three trains (the 6 to the E? to the JFK AirTran) to Terminal 4, an interview with the TSA… I can’t help but get the sense that today is going to end up a heroic one.
I was terribly sick for over a week after returning from California. The snot hacking dickwad that sat next to me on my 25 minute flight from Santa Barbara to LAX got me. I never even looked to my right in our roomy exit row seats… because you just knew “oh god this boy is contagious sick”. Anyway, he got me that day, January 5th. It’s been hilarious ever since… full with my positive push into the new year with party planning, client focus, and debauchery wearing a ‘work’ disguise: all with heartbreak and a massive head cold in tow. Yay!
Some will understand this, and some won’t get what I’m saying but it’s short enough to gloss over: so, I was hit by a bus that was being struck by lightening as it hit back on December 19th. I’ve now got arrangements made to have that same bus hit me purposely, I think on a weekly basis… all in an attempt to save the bus from imploding or some shit like that. It’s been a blast so far (no pun intended) and will surely deliver loads of neurotic episodes, from what the bus and I now refer to as: ‘textbook heartbreak’, cognitively 101. No wonder I run off to places like Cannes, San Fran and Milan every chance I get. Escapism at it finest. ☺️ I only get bus confirmations via text when I’m not in New York! so hilarious.
So onwards and upwards big day today! Clients have described their TSA interviews at having been 4 minutes long but I’m anticipating mine to be a bit longer. For two years my American clientele has been so keen on understanding what this Global Entry program is, how it works and really wanting some clarity on it all. Well… we’re dealing with America, our government, the FAA who has ‘leadership’ from Napolitano and then trickles into what is called our country’s national security with the mighty TSA. Clarity kind of doesn’t exist. But in the mood I’ve been in lately and for the sake of industry knowledge and bitchy curiosity, I intend to seek some today! The poor TSA guy who is assigned me hopefully is not 24 years old and fresh out of marine boot camp. He’d be eaten alive. I’m secretly hoping I’ll get a Sam Elliot-like type who can pass on some wisdom with a cup of coffee and wink of the eye. Maybe I should bring some Francois Payard macaroons from next door. Or more appropriately: a 90 cent ‘bread roll’ from the guy on the corner cart, just outside the subway at 77th and Lex. Wrapped in a greasy white paper pocket. Anyway, I digress. This is what dealing with bus-struck Liz is like these days! (I’m told the effects wear off after a while)
Anyway, wish me luck. More to the point wish the TSA luck… and I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend. Mine entails a trip to f’ing Liberty Island, drinks and dancing in the Louboutins, followed by what’s sounding a little bit like a date. How else would you take it if a cute guy from out of town is warning: ‘you better be ready for me’ ? Nah, it’s going to be a classic New York weekend that I love love love so much. It’s just what insanity.com ordered. Even Liberty. Can’t wait! x
What was that I said earlier about the subway, as I sat in the backseat of a black car on the Van Wyck? I think it will go well. All men here at the TSA!
